Ask Aaron – No more good men?
No more good men?
In the past I use to take offense, but now I laugh when I see women posting comments online about there being no good men available, or hear women talking about how hard it is to find a good man out there. That’s an incredible generalization for anyone to make when considering that we live on a planet that has several billion people. Several billion people equals several billion opportunities to find the right one.
I have no problems admitting that many of my brothers (men) have their issues with dealing women. Pride, insecurities, greed, selfishness, impulsiveness, not knowing how to communicate, and simply not being good at understanding women all play a huge part in why so many men have a difficult time with dealing with women. I will never deny that most men have a lot of work to do in order to be better when it comes to dealing with women.
From early on in my life I’ve always been comfortable around women. In fact, probably a little too comfortable. I’ve always had more female friends than I’ve had male friends. What can I say other than that I LOVE women. Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to see first hand how the female brain works. I’ve studied it, and have learned a lot. My conclusion: ya’ll are CRAZY!!!! Ok ok ok, I only half mean that. 
All jokes aside, what I’ve really learned is that most women spend years of their lives investing in bad situations. Some will go from one bad situation to another while others will spend years trying to make one bad situation work. The perplexing part about this is that you ladies will figure out early on that the guy you’re getting involved with isn’t right for you; yet, you still invest time and energy into the relationship in hopes that you can make it work. You ignore the signs that the guy isn’t right for you. You make excuses for all the things that he does that are trifling, ignorant, or just plan stupid. You’ll even take the blame for why you’re not happy with him or the situation and with each passing moment that you keep him around you commit yourself more and more to the bad situation until either one of you can’t take it no more and end the relationship. Then you carry the emotional luggage from that relationship on to the next relationship. The kicker is that you usually end up picking someone even worse for you. Again, I am speaking about what I learned from my personal experiences with my female friends from over the years.
Ladies, I truly and whole heartedly love you and I want to see every last one of you be happy. I need for you to let go of the idea that there aren’t any good men out there. I need for you to stop seeking out relationships that are projects. If you see qualities in a man that concern you then leave that him alone. Give him the opportunity to find that women who wants the very qualities that concern you. I want you to figure out what it is you truly want for yourself and out of life. If you can figure those twothings out then finding the right man will be much easier. Do not allow loneliness to cause you to get involved with someone. I’m here to tell you that the cure for loneliness is not grabbing the first available person. What’s worse than feeling lonely? Being with someone and still feeling lonely. If you need company then re-connect with friends and family, go out on causal dates (casual meaning that it’s more plutonic than romantic), and visit the nearest Adult store to purchase the necessary supplies to take care of certain other needs if you have to. I’ve had quite a few female friends make terrible choices in men because they were lonely and desperate.
I’ve been single for a long time and it’s not because I like running the streets or fear commitment. It’s because I refuse to settle for anything less than being head over heals in love. There are lot of areas in life in which we have to settle. Love is not one of them. If I’m going to share my life, my space, and my air with a woman then that woman need to be exactly what I’ve been searching for and I definitely want to be everything she is searching for. You should feel the same way I feel. If you didn’t before then now is your chance!
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Don’t be insane. Accept when you make a mistakes, then learn and grow from them. But don’t blame the whole male species as not being good just because you don’t know how to pick right.
Thank you for reading and for any responses and remember if you need a little direction Just Ask Aaron
Helena 490 days
good men out her …..its just the amount of frogs you got to kiss to get to him is the problem.
Ask Aaron 490 days
I feel you Helena. What you’re saying is true but the goal should be to improve how you pick out potential frogs so that you don’t have to kiss as many. It’s kind of like buy fruit. You just don’t buy a bunch of watermelons, bring them home and randomly cut open each one hoping to find the best one. You take some time in the store to examinine each one before you ever make a purchase.
ddmg26 489 days
Great article, it was well written and draws a perfect picture of what’s really going on, (for the most part). I’m still single, (by choice) happy and comfortable with who I am. I’ve had my share of the worst, and one or two of the best, experiences which have only made me stronger. I haven’t given up on love, Black Love is the strongest, deepest love ever! Some of the most powerful men have had or do have a strong black woman lifting him up,holding him down. Whether its his mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, friend or WIFE! I’ve made a decision to focus on beng a better me, so that when THE ONE FOR ME shows up, I’ll be good and ready! I learned a lesson at 30, that most women learn much later in life… how to love ME more than I love THEM! Learning how to communicate better and managing my expectations has led to less emotional drama and being able to see more clearly. I am patiently waiting, a Virtuous Woman ready for true love.
Ask Aaron 489 days
You hit the nail on the head! Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing, and thank you for the love! Hopefully you can help other women learn what you’ve been fortunate enough to learn.
Tamara Davis 489 days
Aaron:
I have to admit, before I read the article I was ready to be angry at you. lol I have to admit, you did a wonderful job on the article and outlined some very valid issues. I have been privy to good and bad relationship, unfortunetly more of the latter. I take responsibility for my part in them and am hoping that my future is greater than my past. I think there is a lack of venues for mature individuals to communicate and vibe with others like ourselves.
I am holding out hope that there will be a man to see me, love me and respect me the way God does us. Until then….I wait.
Thank you again for a very pleasing read.
Ask Aaron 489 days
Tamara!!!! I’m soooo glad that I avoided getting you upset. I’m very happy that you were able to key in on my point about taking responsibility. Once you take responsibility for the part you played it just speeds up the process of learning and growing from those bad relationship experiences.
I know that there is someone out there for you. All you have to do is keep living and focusing on you. It’s amazing what comes our way when we’re not even looking for it.
Thank you for reading and sharing! I really appreciate it!
Corey W. 489 days
That’s what’s up Aaron. You’ve said it. Women!.. you gotta know ur self worth. Don’t be giving up your power so quick!. Recognize the B.S. if any then move on. There is no Mr. Perfect. Write a list. And please be honest to yourself. Write that list. What do you want in a man. You likes and dislikes. What can you tolerate over the other. When you rate that guy. It has to be what’s most the MOST IMPORTANT QUALITIES to YOU he has to have. Be reasonable too!. Cause you probably won’t find Mr. Perfect. If you do.. Congradulations!.. and Good luck
Ask Aaron 489 days
Thanks Corey,
It’s very important to know what you want, what you’ll stand, and what you don’t want and won’t stand for. Many women and men don’t take inventory of what they want an what they’re looking for.
Thanks for checking in and sharing Corey!
Leash 488 days
Wow
Conchitta 485 days
You’re a good man xoxoxo
SouthsideChiMike 482 days
As a brother whom feels that he is in the “Good Man Category” I see things in alot of the women that I date that truly “puts me off” and not even wanting to pursue them further. A woman to me should have several things down by the time she hits 30+ #1 knowledge of self, #2 knowing the difference between needs v. wants within a relationship and #3 some type of maternal instinct that truly provides her with guiding principles that will be the moral compass of the family and provide that nuturing side to raising, upbringing and rearing this family that we may one day have with one another- in other words “the big mamma gene.” To me if I let my lower half dictate whom I will or will not date I would be in BIG Trouble and I see women doing this alot…letting their lower half DICKTATE whom they should date. If a woman feels that a man should be entirely prepackaged and come on a silver platter she will be highly mistaken…9 times out of 10 you’re getting someone else’s hard work and now in a wierd sort of way you’re getting the painful labor of what the previous woman did to get him straight for her. If a woman is patient do not discount the man that may not have excess but has a good heart and a good mind and also a strong work ethic you will find that one. My homegirl took my advice and stopped using her VJ to look for a man and met a brother whom was working but not where he wanted to be and he was overweight…now that same brother because of her being his “Michelle Obama”, backing him, giving him that nudge this brother is now a Certified MBA brother making well over high 6 figures and she is now married to her BEST FRIEND and LOVER!! He didn’t lose that much of the weight though but he is smaller than before but she knows with every bone in her body that he belongs to her and no one else….It took her alot of soul searching but she is truly happy now and forever. Like Michelle told Barak when they went out to a restaraunt and she saw her ex from college:”See if you woulda married that guy you wouldn’t be married to the President, she responded “I still would have been married to the President.” You make us better women-remember that and you will find that dream man in which you seek.